“You’re 21, not 6” The author comes to terms with a son who can never grow up. By Buzz Bissinger My son Zach was born with brain damage that occurred during his birth. His brother

“You’re 21, not 6” The author comes to terms with a son who can never grow up.

By Buzz Bissinger

My son Zach was born with brain damage that occurred during his birth. His brother Gerry‐older by three minutes is fine. Zach is now 24, but his comprehension skills are roughly that of an 8‐ or 9‐year‐old. He can read, but he doesn’t understand many of the sentences. He can’t add a hundred plus a hundred, although he does know the result is “a lot”. I took him to see the movie Spartacus when he was 9, and after a blood‐flowing scene at a Roman villa where Kirk Douglas singlehandedly killed two million buffed‐up soldiers with a plastic knife, he turned to me and said, “Look, Dad! A pool!”. He has always loved pools. As he grew out of childhood, I never knew how much Zach would understand. While his vocabulary expanded rapidly, his knowledge of what words meant did not keep pace. When I tried to explain something abstract, I could sense him sifting through his hard drive with its millions of data points. But the hard drive did not help him with concepts like preventative health or racism. He knew who the president was but not Osama Bin Laden. He knew something terrible had happened on 9/11, but when the anniversary came, he called to wish me a “happy 9/11!”. But whatever happens with Zach, I know I cannot think in terms of my best interests, even if I think they are also in his best interests. Zach will be where and who he will be. Because he needs to be. Because he wants to be. Because as famed physician Oliver Sacks said, all children, whatever the impairment, are propelled by the need to make themselves whole. They may not get there, and they may need massive guidance, but they must forever try.

(Newsweek. May 7, 2012. p. 43.)

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